


find me again (even if its far in the future)

by peachtrees



Series: pinwheel [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Jeon Wonwoo - Centric, M/M, No Dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 08:15:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12649674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachtrees/pseuds/peachtrees
Summary: but still, don't crythough it will be sadi will stay here for you





	find me again (even if its far in the future)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [historiologies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/historiologies/gifts).



> this is sooooooo late (i am currently writing this note many weeks later) but i realized i never thanked @wandr for helping me fix my many mistakes so ive returned to show my sincere gratitude !! without her this fic would probably suck a little bit but yes that is all, thank i appreciate

When Wonwoo had met Soonyoung, he hadn’t intended for their friendship to amount to anything more. 

In a town as small as the one he lived in, he’d met everyone there was to meet. From the sweet old lady who always walked past his house on the way to the market, to the group of elementary school boys who played basketball. Fondly, Wonwoo remembered how every game had ended in tears.

He knew everyone on a first name basis, and had grown up with most of the kids that occupied his school. He knew about the kid who ate paste, and the kid who licked a marker on a dare. Both boys were people he wished he didn’t know as well as he did. However, fate always seemed to surprise Wonwoo.

So seeing this boyー narrow-eyed and with round cheeksー on school grounds didn’t feel right. It felt as though his heart was swelling. He assured himself that the feeling would pass eventually.

The way the boy had looked, it was as if he hadn’t quite reached the spurt of maturity that Wonwoo’s friends seemed adamant that he’d already reached at the age of 13. From the boy’s baby face, to the way he seemed to only draw attention to himself, it was as if immaturity only radiated off of him. And it seemingly drew Wonwoo in as well. 

He assumed it was the unkempt way he styled his hair, though it seemed as if he’d tried for such a look on purpose, that had kept him interested. Or maybe it was the fact that his tie was uneven, the buttons of his uniform not even seemingly put in correctly.

Regardless of whatever it was that attracted him to this boy, Wonwoo only hoped he’d get to see him around more. In a town with a population less than that of a large private school, it was good to see a fresh face. Boredom was a term that Wonwoo was well acquainted with. Whoever this boy was, it was as if that word didn’t exist with him. 

As Wonwoo made his way to his first block class, he found that the feeling still lingered in his chest, and despite himself, he clung to it tightly.

一

His name was Kwon Soonyoung. 

At least, that is what Wonwoo had inferred. Later on in the day, during his last block, the unfamiliar name had been called. There had been a beat of silence, and suddenly, a boy had barreled into the room. He was late and every head, especially Wonwoo’s had turned to watch him walk up to the front desk.

He’d been scolded quite severely for someone who had only shown up this morning. Yet somehow, he’d found the nerve to smile, an apology easily finding its way to the surface, as though he’d been prepared for the onslaught of lectures he’d probably receive throughout the day. Wonwoo assumed this wasn’t the first time he’d said those words today.

His voice sounded awkward. It was as if he was still in the midst of transitioning from boy to man, it wouldn’t surprise Wonwoo if he had been. Still, the smile never left his face. And even at the age of 13, Wonwoo couldn’t help but find it incredibly charming. 

He had braces, Wonwoo had noted to himself, unsure why he’d felt the need to do so. The braces, however unpleasant he assumed they could be, gave the boy a character different from the rest. As if he hadn’t already been doing that for himself.

Exasperated, the teacher had finally sent Soonyoung to his seat. Despite himself, Wonwoo’s eyes followed him, wondering. What was it about the new kid that had him so enthralled? And why didn’t he seem to mind?

Too late did Wonwoo realize he was still staring directly at him. Soonyoung had caught his eye. He waved wildly at him, grin wide and eyes shining as he waited for Wonwoo to reciprocate his eager greeting. He lifted his hand timidly, a weak smile gracing his face. That seemed to please Soonyoung, he beamed at Wonwoo again, mouthing a silent introduction. Wonwoo replied soon after, their short interaction cut short as the teacher told them both to pay attention once more.

It hadn’t been until later that Wonwoo found that his heart had been racing a mile a minute.

一

Whatever the reason was, Wonwoo had decided to follow Soonyoung.

He’d approached him weeks later, right as the bell rang, and urged him to follow him. Despite having promised to meet his friends right after class, Wonwoo agreed.

The shorter boy seemed filled to the brim with energy as he ran, occasionally glancing behind him to make sure Wonwoo was still stumbling only a few feet away. And if Wonwoo was further off than he wanted, he waited for him to catch up.

Where they were going, he had no idea, but rather than feeling concerned, Wonwoo could only feel excitement. He was sure that he’d be eager to follow Soonyoung, wherever it was they’d be going.

They stopped at the beach. Due to it being low tide, Soonyoung had quickly explained, it was one of the best times to find stones that would effortlessly bounce off the surface of the water. Running around to find the perfect ones, he’d also shoved a few to Wonwoo when he passed him. Wonwoo thought the whole scene was somewhat childish. He favoured the lack of maturity it held. 

Finally, Soonyoung turned around to face Wonwoo, expression eager as he grabbed Wonwoo by the sleeve. As he spoke, Wonwoo noticed yet another thing. Soonyoung talked with his hands quite a bit. He was practically flailing as he continued to describe to him the art of skipping stones. As many times as Wonwoo had done the simple activity, he still let Soonyoung explain, listening and giving him nothing but his undivided attention. From the way Soonyoung seemed to brighten as he spoke, he enjoyed having someone listen so avidly. 

Soon after they’d forgotten all about skipping stones, instead beginning to recount to one another certain points of their childhood and things they’d enjoyed. Soonyoung had told him about his undeniable skill when it came to taekwondo. He’d shown the same eagerness to listen as Soonyoung told of how he’d hit a kid square in the face while attempting a spin kick. 

Wonwoo had told Soonyoung about how he knew quite a lot about flowers. Though not as interesting as taekwondo, Soonyoung still gave Wonwoo his undivided attention, asking questions that stumped even himself. He was flattered to have someone look at what many thought was quite useless with the same interest Wonwoo had. Though he assumed Soonyoung was merely doing it to amuse him, he was still grateful.

As the sun began to set, Soonyoung regrettably informed Wonwoo that he needed to leave. A part of Wonwoo had truly been disappointed to hear such news, though he only nodded, acknowledging Soonyoung’s departure.

He watched as Soonyoung moved to make his way back home. Turning back once to call out to Wonwoo, the words ‘best friend’ resonated in his heart as Soonyoung took off running down the street.

Whatever it was Kwon Soonyoung was doing to him, Wonwoo found he didn’t mind, a smile sitting comfortably on his face as turned to make his way back home.

一

Soonyoung was as graceful as he was pretty.

He’d known him for about a few years or so and the awkwardness of his voice seemed to settle into something not quite as deep as Wonwoo’s. Though, he had to admit that in itself, it was quite manly.

His braces had been removed in the summer of their second year. Eager to explore the joy of foods he’d been denied of for so long, he’d grabbed Wonwoo, and together they’d eaten until it felt as though they’d burst. together, they’d also agonized over the pain that walking home would cause them. Neither boy had a single regret.

Around the same time, Soonyoung had matured, personality wise, though it involved some nagging on Wonwoo’s end. He’d gotten Soonyoung to comb his hair and put his uniform on properly, things he deemed personal achievements. What he hadn’t had a part in, though, was Soonyoung’s overall maturity. He’d progressively begun to take his studies much more seriously, as well as show up to class on time. Soonyoung told him that those were his own personal victories. Though nothing could ever stop his snide remarks to the teacher. At that Wonwoo had written him down as a lost cause.

Regardless of his many changes over the years, one thing that still hadn’t changed was the fact that the boy was quite short in stature. Wonwoo enjoyed teasing him for such, though despite himself, he’d always been quite quick to apologize. Soonyoung continued to tell him it wasn’t necessary. 

Wonwoo thought Soonyoung was gorgeous. 

In perhaps the summer of the ‘Great Removal of the Braces’ as they’d so proudly deemed it, Soonyoung had offhandedly mentioned to Wonwoo his fascination for the art of dancing, describing it as something he’d picked up after dropping taekwondo. Wonwoo had asked for him to elaborate and he saw the way his eyes had sparkled, eagerness and passion gleaming on his somehow soft yet toned face. Wonwoo had truly wanted to see what it was that Soonyoung was capable of. Soonyoung had only blushed when he’d asked, Mumbling about how he’d show him some other time. Such claims had been forgotten however, and Wonwoo had been left to simply imagine how he moved.

In their 3rd year, Soonyoung had told Wonwoo about how he’d recently taken to dancing again, Eyes sparkling the way Wonwoo seemed to remember so vividly. He asked once more to see him dance. Hesitant at first, he had finally agreed, Taking Wonwoo by the hand just as he had that day in their first year.

He was glad though, that this time Soonyoung hadn’t glanced back. He was afraid that the warmth of his cheeks would only alarm him.

When they had arrived at what Soonyoung had informed him was the place he tended to practice in, he’d motioned for him to sit by the wall as he got settled, His eyes unable to leave him as he stretched. He was inexcusably flexible and it was hard for him to turn away. Soonyoung looked at him once, catching his eye. Quickly, Wonwoo looked away, hiding the bright flame that absorbed his cheeks with his hands, only glancing up again when Soonyoung’s footsteps grew further away from him. 

Then Soonyoung began to dance, and Wonwoo’s mouth felt dry. His movements were graceful, fluid, unlike any dancer he’d seen before. As if he was one with the music, he moved with the beat and Wonwoo’s heart seemed to follow suit. 

Somewhere in the middle of it all, Soonyoung had reached for him, taking him by the hand, So gently that it felt as though they had barely been touching. Soonyoung pressed himself against Wonwoo, gazing into his eyes. The height difference suddenly was no longer as prominent as it once had been and Wonwoo felt himself softening under Soonyoung’s searching gaze despite the anticipation he felt in his heart.

Slowly and all at once, he’d found much more than just a best friend in Kwon Soonyoung and as they kissed, Wonwoo realized that this is what they were meant to be all along. 

一

As much as Soonyoung loved to give him flowers— loved seeing Wonwoo blush because he knew that he knew what they meant —Soonyoung had given him a pinwheel on their anniversary.

Knowing the odd sense of logic that Soonyoung possessed, Wonwoo decided not to question such an antic. It wouldn’t have mattered though, because Soonyoung had told him regardless.

He had explained to Wonwoo passionately that despite having such beautiful meaning, they almost always began to die at one point; Just like how the dozens of flowers Wonwoo kept in his own home had begun to wilt. The plastic flowers on the other hand, hadn’t been able to carry the amount of sentiment Soonyoung had been so eager to portray. He’d been stuck on what to do for days, finally coming to a decision only days before today.

As Wonwoo remembered it, the pinwheel signified a lot to Soonyoung. The way his eyes twinkled as he waited for Wonwoo to press him on further. Smiling, he’d done exactly that, holding the pinwheel between his tightly clasped hands. 

He had told him that the pinwheel signified that they depended on each other to reach their full potential. Without the blowing of the wind, the pinwheel would never be able to spin. Without Wonwoo, Soonyoung would have never decided to persist, to argue against his parent’s wishes for him to abandon his dream of being a dancer. Eyes shining brightly in anticipation, Soonyoung had taken both of Wonwoo’s hands in his own. The kiss had been short, the innocence and purity of the entire moment making it much sweeter than the others they’d shared prior. Wonwoo decided then that this truly was the boy he’d continue to love.

Now, as Wonwoo stares at the pinwheel, he notices how it no longer spins as it once did years before.

一

It had been on the night prior to their graduation that Soonyoung told him the news.

Wonwoo hadn’t intended to be angry, but in the moment it had been far too much for him, the stress of their senior year coming to an end mixed with the inevitable decision of what to do with their future. Wonwoo had assumed Soonyoung would be by his side through thick and thin.

He knew that this was bound to happen, that knowing Soonyoung’s ability, the college he’d chosen would surely pick him for that scholarship, no matter what. He knew and yet he still denied it, Selfishly telling himself that he wouldn’t make it, even as he told Soonyoung he could. 

The school was far. Way too far for Wonwoo’s liking. They both knew this. To think that the ocean would pull them apart was almost laughable to Wonwoo, ironic considering how it had been that ocean that pulled them together that day in their 1st year. 

Not thinking twice Wonwoo had gotten angry, and in retaliation, so had Soonyoung. They had fought, had screamed, Both yelling that it wasn’t fair. That they had promised to support one another. That this wasn’t what a best friend would put you through. Wonwoo knew he had been in the wrong. It was the first time they’d ever fought.

In the deafening silence that came after, Soonyoung had suggested to break up. In the midst of his own conflicted emotions, Wonwoo had agreed. 

It was the first time Wonwoo had seen pure unrelinquished pain on Soonyoung’s face. The first time he’d seen tears pool and spill across his cheeks.

Soonyoung walked out that night, The door slamming heavily behind him. The heavy realization of what he’d done hit him so hard he had to sit down, unable to feel the tears that had begun to fall.

As the finality of the whole moment closed in on him, he’d glanced at the pinwheel, just like he had hundreds of times since receiving it.  
The way it sat, motionless, filled Wonwoo with such an intense feeling, he physically turned away. There was no way he could have kept such a pure thing when he turned someone just as pure away for his own selfish purposes.

He decided he’d leave it to sit on his desk.

一

Graduation had been a blur for all the wrong reasons and not once did Wonwoo see Soonyoung.

He realized that the previous night was the last he’d see of him when the announcer had told the crowd, regretfully, that Soonyoung had left early that morning for college. They’d been told about his scholarship and the crowd had cheered wildly. Wonwoo’s friends had patted him on the back, congratulating him. Wonwoo felt like he was drowning as he too clapped for Soonyoung, praying that his face did not betray the regret he felt.

Before he knew it, the ceremony had ended, his family and close friends smothering him with their affections and well wishes. Wonwoo’s mind had only wandered then. Robotically thanking the people for their kind words. He was thankful that apparently no one seemed to notice the inner turmoil he’d been experiencing. 

Later that night, at the party his parents had held in their house, Wonwoo had managed to slip away and return to his own room. It wasn’t hard to see the influence that Soonyoung had had on Wonwoo’s life. Parties were all they’d talked about while discussing their graduation. Now Soonyoung was on a plane, the last thing Wonwoo had said to him along the lines of how selfish Soonyoung was being. Looking back, he didn’t know whether it was appropriate for him to laugh or cry.

He’d done the latter, locking his door and burying himself under his covers, holding in his hand the pinwheel Soonyoung had given him. 

一

To this day, Wonwoo still thought of Soonyoung, despite being told by many that he should forget. At the age of 27, he still found that quite difficult.

He’d gone to school again a year or so after his senior year at a university in the city. It had been quite the experience for him, even more so as he experienced such on his own. He wondered if Soonyoung had felt this overwhelmed, Mentally hitting himself for even bringing the other up so casually.

A month or so into his newfound ‘university lifestyle’ he’d met a handful of friendly faces; he’d clicked with them almost immediately and found he enjoyed being around them. They weren’t perfect. If anything, Wonwoo found that he fought with them quite a bit. Regardless of that, he assumed that he’d eventually be able to forget his past lover.

That hadn’t been the case. Constantly, through the smallest things, he’d been reminded of Soonyoung. The way Jihoon talked about his music reminded him of how he had talked about his dancing. The immaturity Seungcheol held had almost made him miss Soonyoung even more. Not to mention the ever-present pinwheel that sat in his dorm. He could never bring himself to throw it away. 

At times, Wonwoo would grow angry. He’d yell. He’d scream. Cursing Soonyoung for being selfish, being so inconsiderate of how he felt. It wasn’t fair. Soonyoung was probably enjoying himself at school, but here Wonwoo was, agonizing, wondering. He hated him for it.

But again, on the off days— The days in between his insatiable hatred and the days he’d forgotten of his existence— He’d think of Soonyoung. The way his eyes would turn into crescents when he laughed, the way he laughed with his whole body. It filled him with regret. He’d cry. He’d beg. Pleading for him to come back. He wanted to apologize, for all he’d done. He wanted to beg for Soonyoung’s forgiveness. It left him in agony, in wonder. He couldn’t help but love him for it. 

Eventually, the stress of his courses caused him to all but forget about Soonyoung, focusing all his energy instead on passing rather than what he could have done differently in the past. Still, he wondered about how Soonyoung had been doing. If he was doing alright. If he was dancing just as much as he had been back then.

Before he knew it, he was graduating once more. That too, had gone by in a blur, however this time Wonwoo was content with how he’d left things off. It was okay. Soon after, he and a few others had flown out of the country to start their lives there. In the span of a few years, Wonwoo had found himself the owner of a local bookstore. It wasn’t what he had planned for himself years ago, but regardless of such, Wonwoo was happy with the outcome. Being an astronaut seemed ridiculous at this point, anyway. 

Despite being content in every shape and form with his new life, Wonwoo still had one regret: Kwon Soonyoung. 

He’d told a few people of the friend he had in his years as a high school student. It had resulted in them simply telling him that it was far too long ago for him to still be thinking about such things. Some had told him that maybe he should contact Soonyoung once more, for closure. Sadly those attempts had ended in a long silence and an automated reminder that the number he’d been calling was no longer in service. He assumed he’d never get the ‘closure’ he’d been seeking.

That was fine, in his opinion. Being able to contact Soonyoung felt more like wishful thinking than a reality he could make happen. He didn’t even know where Soonyoung could have gone after all these years.

Still, as Wonwoo stood by the front window, reshelving books that people had left lying around, He couldn’t help but notice a man who walked by. 

Many others before him had walked by; Wonwoo tended to absentmindedly stare out at the people who walked past. They were always quite interesting. This guy was different though.

His hair was a bright bleach blonde, a mask covering the majority of his face. He was dressed in an assortment of brands; he’d been able to pinpoint some, Thrasher, Gucci. Had it not been for the way the man had caught his eyes, Wonwoo would have almost laughed at how familiar the get up seemed.

The eyes were unmistakable. Narrow and sharp, but with a hint of softness that told you they meant well even through the hardest of expressions. He knew those eyes anywhere, and he was sure he’d recognized him as well. 

He put the books down almost immediately, pushing open the door to his shop to call him out, To get to speak to him once more. Even if he wanted nothing to do with him any longer.

Just as Wonwoo had stepped outside, he watched him turn the corner, his pace having quickened when he noticed Wonwoo’s advance. 

17-year-old Wonwoo would haven taken off after him, would have begged him for forgiveness, begged him to understand. He would have done all that he could just to bring him back.

Now, at the age of 27, Wonwoo knew better. He knew better than to rush such matters, and if that truly had been who he thought it was, there was no doubt he wouldn’t see him again. He had hope, something he thought his younger self had lacked. Hope, and a confident mindset that he’d be able to make things work when the time was right.

Smiling to himself, Wonwoo turned to walk back into his shop, almost certain he could feel eyes watching him— however when he turned around to see, no one was there. 

If someone was, he wouldn’t rush them. He’d wait. No matter how long it would take both sides. Wonwoo knew that whatever happened between him and Soonyoung, it would take time. And Wonwoo would be there, waiting. 

Watching as his pinwheel spun slowly.

**Author's Note:**

> happy bday cat !! (yall dont have to read this if u dont want to)  
> i haven't known you for that long but still, you're awesome  
> soonwoonet is such a great thing to be apart of and i really am so glad to be apart of it  
> and you're undoubtedly cool for always doing so many cool things for snwn  
> i hope you have a good day !! ily !! 
> 
> \- kino


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